Making out is in the air... literally!

Woke up this morning to a persistent, rustling noise. Upon investigation, it turned out to be two amorous pigeons doing the nasty outside my kitchen window. Coming upstairs from the cafeteria after lunch, I spotted multiple couples (pigeons, of course) dancing their almost human courtship rituals. Which makes me wonder, how come I've never seen a baby pigeon in my 3 years in Mumbai?

A bitter sweet story

A piece of chocolate so sweetly given. Little kids on the street pulled at my arm till there was no way I could've eaten it without feeling like scum-of-the-earth. I hope I get another.

Waiting for the rains

A few more days of this heat and I'll be just a puddle on the floor. When will the skies get gray and shower us with some love?

Vada Pav Mornings

I keep forgetting that the ubiquitous vada pav is the staple food of a rather large segment of the population in Maharashtra. And I keep getting reminded of that fact by the old couple sitting at the Churchgate station every morning, eating their meager breakfast from an old newspaper parcel. The old woman can't see, so its usually the old man who looks at me as if I am an intruder into their peaceful, if humble breakfast. I remember thinking once that if I were poor, I'd at least hold on to my dignity. I usually turn away from his eyes, embarrassed and ashamed as if I am trying to bruise his dignity.

Everybody starts out young, with a rather socialistic approach to life. And then we grow up into hardened capitalists out to get the bigger, better deal. I am no different. I am the typical hypocrite who thinks I've absolved myself with annual donations to CRY and that's that. I console myself with pseudo intellectual thoughts such as the fact that perhaps all forms of life are inherently capitalistic (seriously!). I'm usually pretty effective at turning a blind eye, but at times I am unable to escape that feeling of shame. And the old man with his vada pav reminds me of just that.

Isnt this true?

Another forward, the ones in italics are the ones I specifically find true :)

Things that prove you're a Bombayite

1. You say "town " and expect everyone to know that this means south of Churchgate.

2 You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only Bombayites can understand.

3. Your door has more than three locks.

4. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

5. Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life.

6. You spend more time each month traveling than you spend at home.

7. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall.

8. You're paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."

9. You have the following sets of friend: school friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends, a species unique only in Bombay.

10. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name,
they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar  Road, Altamount Road .

11. Stock market quotes are the only other thing* besides cricket which you follow passionately.

12. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the " Bombay Times" supplement.

13. You take fashion seriously.

14. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

15. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible.

16. You compare Bombay to New York 's Manhattan instead of any other cities of India.

17. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

18. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport.

19. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

20. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

21. Being truly alone makes you nervous.

22. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it ''romantic'.

23. Only in Bombay , you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken.

It only gets worse

Yet another religious procession yesterday. Only this also included buckets of pungent pink powder being sprayed all over the place. Even non participants went home with a thin layer of pink dust on their vehicles and selves. Spent the time stuck in traffic wishing I had a Kill- O- Zap!! Jeez, someone please ban public processions! The nightmare of buses, cars and all other kinds of vehicles jostling for space in one half of an already narrow road is just too much to bear!!

Oh. My. God!

From a forwarded mail in the morning:

A man slipped and fell in the gap between the train and the platform at Kandivli station. Supportive bystanders told him exactly what he shouldn't do — move. The man lay absolutely still as eight bogies of the train passed over him — centimeters from his body. Within seconds the 12-coach train passed and the man clambered out, unaided, unhurt, but too shocked to speak after his near-death experience!

The French Connection

Picture courtesy of Jinesh Gandhi.

The office was in an uproar yesterday evening when Abhi-Ash (that's Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai, for the uninitiated) walked into the building. The reason - the French consulate demands that visas be applied for in person. It was amusing to watch otherwise prim and proper people rushing downstairs to catch a glimpse of the celebrity couple. Hrithik Roshan was there the day before, but he failed to enthuse the crowd as much! What's with Bollywood and France anyway?

Siesta

Was on my post lunch stroll when I found this little ball of fur curled up in the shade of the Arey booth near my office. What luxury!

Stop spitting, you people!

When I first moved to Hyderabad, I was appalled by the red spit stains - all along the sides of roads, along staircases, any corner you can think of. When I look back and compare it with our very own Mumbai, I feel that Hyderabad is such a clean place! Here, people don't just spit on corners and roadsides, they spit everywhere!! Take last night for instance, this elderly gentleman spat noisily and gloriously on to the railway platform and happily stepped on it just a moment later. Talk about civic sense.

Ban religious ceremonies in public

Caution: Rather extreme views ahead. Those with delicate sensibilities kindly refrain from reading!

Started for work at 7:30 am and found myself caught in unnatural traffic. The reason - some religious procession. There should be a ban on all religious processions at decent hours. And that includes the much celebrated Ganesh Puja, which is just a nightmare for people trying to get home after a hard day's work. I really don't understand why people have to publicly display their religious affectations. And its even worse when some god-man comes into town and thousands of people throng to meet him. Do people have such low self confidence that they need reassurance from some guy who has turned God and religion into a money spinning racket? Having lost the emotional crutch that's faith, I really envy those who do. But please, faith is an internal expression, something so private that public display only demeans and cheapens it.

Cats & Dogs

The first thing that I noticed when I moved into my place almost 2 years ago was the abundance of cats. Browns, greys, stripes, blacks and patchy whites all crowded around the garbage collector as she went about her daily work. A shaggy, scarred tom would go about disciplining the females and the kittens, fending off younger toms who tried to encroach into his territory. Once I even caught him engaged in frenetic copulation with one of the females (a fascinating sight - like miniature lions). Those among you who have seen cats doing it in broad daylight, please raise your hands! The dogs were conspicuous by their absence.

For the past few months, a pack of stray dogs have taken over the street. The cats have dispersed, the big tom is the only one who dares to strut before the canine conquerors. Given a choice, I'd choose a dog over a cat for a pet any day, but its far less of an annoyance to have stray cats patrolling your streets than dogs. I miss the cats!

Starting over

Recently, someone told me that he was surprised that I wasn't writing about Mumbai. Well, I started this for that purpose, but couldn't find the time to blog regularly. Another attempt.

Somebody save me

The trains are getting more and more crowded everyday. Second day in a row that I had to miss a train because I couldn't get on. And this was before 8 a.m. God help us!

I belong

Its been over two years since I moved to Mumbai. An eventful time - jobs, friends, illness & therapy, floods, blasts, more floods, trains, crowds - but life goes on in Mumbai. I am no longer an outsider. I am a Mumbaikar.

Many wonders

Walking to the Dadar station yesterday, I was shocked to see people worshipping a giant 1 Rupee coin. I mean, I've heard of people worshipping money, but to see it happen so blatantly is something else. Guess it would happen only in amchi Mumbai.

Speaking of Dadar, the place is... well, words cannot describe it. The sheer profusion of colour, sound, and bodies are enough to confound the senses and put you in a daze. Gave myself a pat on the back for coming out unscathed.

Bawas and coffee on a Saturday night

Cliches abound, so do tales of funny Gujarati, prominent noses, and eccentricity. This Saturday night, sitting with 4 Parsees in a coffee shop at 1 o'clock in the morning, I watched all the cliches come true. But what I also saw was that they are probably the sweetest people I've ever met. An integral part of Mumbai; lets bow to the Bawas.

The Kids

These kids are everywhere - hawking odds and ends on trains, selling newspapers at traffic junctions, begging on roads, sleeping on pavements. How many do you see everyday? What do you do when you can no longer shut it out of your head that you are warm in your cosy little bed, while countless little children shiver on a cold, hard sidewalk... When you can no longer hide behind the book that you are trying to read... When you can no longer avoid a pair of sad, brown eyes, old before their age?

Nariman Point

Nariman Point is the best place to work. I was lucky to have my office at a stone's throw away from Marine Drive. Just the place to walk your stress off after a long day at work, watch the city lights. Now I've moved to Mahalakshmi, and I miss the place.

Bring the hawkers back

The hawkers at Nariman Point are part of the vibrant business district of Mumbai. Taking them off the streets is definitely a bad move. The hawkers are an integral part of the landscape at Nariman Point, a defining feature. I'm moving jobs next week, away from Nariman Point, and my new boss told me "You'd better pack your lunch, this isn't Nariman Point, you know". Besides, who is going to feed all of us now? I mean, people can't work on empty stomachs. No wonder the bulls have faltered.